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One Piece Arrrbridged
12-04-2013, 11:21 PM (This post was last modified: 10-09-2014 06:38 PM by AtomicVoice.)
Post: #1
One Piece Arrrbridged
[Image: hTOF4oI.png]

What is One Piece Arrrbridged?

One Piece Arrrbridged is a relatively new series that is currently in production, as the title implies it is an abridged parody of the One Piece anime.

The series follows the main characters and their misadventures through the oceans and grand line as they attempt to make their dreams a reality.

Episodes

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It came from a barrel at sea!





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Zoro does stuff





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Full power chippity-choppity fruit! Enter Buggy the clown pirate





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Cooking up trouble. Luffy, the king of the cooks





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Name calling and sword drawing





Production and cast

Currently the release of episodes is not on any sort of schedule, we simply work whenever we can.

We have 2 goals with this series:

1) To continually improve the writing, editing and acting quality of our series.
2) To provide people with a source of humor and enjoyment.

***Cast and Crew***
SmileForTheGhost: Luffy, Patty, Narrator (2/2)
AtomicVoice: Zoro, Lady Alvida (1/2), Captain Morgan, Chopper, Johnny
DaltonOrange: Coby, Helmeppo, Cabaji, Lt. Fullbody, Sanji, Yosuku, Don Kreig
RawrKittyPanda: Nami
Grimmjack69: Buggy, Usopp
vampkid95: Narrator (1/2)
Phellxion: Chef Zeff, Arlong
Created by SmileForTheGhost and AtomicVoice
Written by DaltonOrange and AtomicVoice
Graphic design by TheCosNick
Edited by DaltonOrange

Closing comments

This series is a first time effort from almost all people involved, we hope that over time this series will evolve into something that people can enjoy and share together.

Comments, criticisms and feedback are all appreciate, however, please keep it constructive, unjust negativity is not productive or conducive to improvement.

Thanks everyone!

-AtomicVoice

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12-06-2013, 12:10 AM
Post: #2
RE: One Piece Arrrbridged
Not bad for a third episode in. Three episodes is usually the learning curve and as of right now you're better than most abridged series. Still you have a lot more potential than that.

Writing: You have an odd problem when it comes to writing. You know how to tell a joke and make a punchline, and for the most part I was pretty amused throughout your video. Your actual writing, on the other hand, leaves a lot to be desired. With a show like One Piece, you have to be willing to play the long game. In most shows villains of the day can be one-off gimmicks because they are only there for one episode. One Piece is not like that. Buggy for instance had that verbal tic "I be a pirate." It may be a decent gag now, but when he returns in 20, 200 and 2000 episodes later, is it still gonna be amusing or just annoying? For the time being, however, your characters are pretty well written overall, and I'm sure they'll be fleshed out over time.

Another thing is dialog. Right now your script reads like this: Joke A ---> Joke B ---> Joke C. You're missing a whole lot in between those jokes. Characters need to talk to each other to get the flow of the story going; they can't just wise crack and be dumb at each other. To give you an example, the scene with Cabaji and the mayor was really good humor wise, but also very rushed, and even though I've watched and greatly enjoyed One Piece, there are some who haven't and that's definitely going to be a turn off.

Editing: Your pacing's not bad, but it's not very good either. Work on pacing your dialog so that it flows more like a conversation, and you will surprised how much better your jokes hit. There's also this editing glitch you keep doing where after a bit of dialog, you'll cut to a black screen before continuing. I thought this was how you were doing transitions, but it's happened several times within a scene as well. As far as transitions themselves go, you have to remember that you're editing in 4:3, and that if you render it in 16:9, your transitions are going to look wonky. Smoothing out transitions using dialog will also be a big help with that.

Voicing: Eh. You've got a good cast and you're directing them well. Not much else to comment on.

But yeah, you put a lot of effort into this, and the advice I have to give you shouldn't increase that by too much. It's a bunch of really simple stuff to work on that will make your videos a whole lot better.

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Twitter: Truthordeal

"Every man's heart one day beats its final beat, his lungs breath their final breath. And if what that man did in his life, makes the blood pulse through the body of others, and makes them believe deeper in something larger than life, then his essence, his spirit, will be immortalized by the storytellers, by the loyalty, by the memory, of those who honor him and make whatever the man did live forever."
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12-06-2013, 02:42 AM
Post: #3
RE: One Piece Arrrbridged
(12-06-2013 12:10 AM)Truthordeal Wrote:  Not bad for a third episode in. Three episodes is usually the learning curve and as of right now you're better than most abridged series. Still you have a lot more potential than that.

Writing: You have an odd problem when it comes to writing. You know how to tell a joke and make a punchline, and for the most part I was pretty amused throughout your video. Your actual writing, on the other hand, leaves a lot to be desired. With a show like One Piece, you have to be willing to play the long game. In most shows villains of the day can be one-off gimmicks because they are only there for one episode. One Piece is not like that. Buggy for instance had that verbal tic "I be a pirate." It may be a decent gag now, but when he returns in 20, 200 and 2000 episodes later, is it still gonna be amusing or just annoying? For the time being, however, your characters are pretty well written overall, and I'm sure they'll be fleshed out over time.

Another thing is dialog. Right now your script reads like this: Joke A ---> Joke B ---> Joke C. You're missing a whole lot in between those jokes. Characters need to talk to each other to get the flow of the story going; they can't just wise crack and be dumb at each other. To give you an example, the scene with Cabaji and the mayor was really good humor wise, but also very rushed, and even though I've watched and greatly enjoyed One Piece, there are some who haven't and that's definitely going to be a turn off.

Editing: Your pacing's not bad, but it's not very good either. Work on pacing your dialog so that it flows more like a conversation, and you will surprised how much better your jokes hit. There's also this editing glitch you keep doing where after a bit of dialog, you'll cut to a black screen before continuing. I thought this was how you were doing transitions, but it's happened several times within a scene as well. As far as transitions themselves go, you have to remember that you're editing in 4:3, and that if you render it in 16:9, your transitions are going to look wonky. Smoothing out transitions using dialog will also be a big help with that.

Voicing: Eh. You've got a good cast and you're directing them well. Not much else to comment on.

But yeah, you put a lot of effort into this, and the advice I have to give you shouldn't increase that by too much. It's a bunch of really simple stuff to work on that will make your videos a whole lot better.

I agree with almost everything you have said here.

We are discovering that with each episode we work on the process is becoming more refined and being performed to a higher quality, as you can tell writing, acting and editing when episodes 1 and 3 are compared the difference is phenomenal.

Pacing and the flow of conversations can at times be very clunky, however, we are trying to avoid turning a comedy based abridged series into a re-written fandub, which can at times pose a problem when developing conversation structures.

Joke wise we feel quite strong, but as you pointed out the implementation of these jokes require some work, so I agree with you there.

And I would just like to add I am flattered you thought the voice cast and their direction is good, that is something we probably work hardest on, so it is a good feeling knowing people notice it!

Thanks for your feedback, it was very helpful!

-AtomicVoice

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09-21-2014, 11:20 PM (This post was last modified: 09-22-2014 12:23 AM by DaltonOrange.)
Post: #4
RE: One Piece Arrrbridged
Since my Aussie partner in crime is too busy taking showers and working out I guess I'll post the new episode. Spoiler alert it's a horribly unfunny, badly edited, poorly mixed travesty featuring a few poor souls with actual talent that I have deceived into voicing in it.
One Piece Arrrbridged episode 4-Cooking up Trouble. Luffy, King of the Cooks



Also the editor is fat

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10-13-2014, 11:09 PM (This post was last modified: 10-13-2014 11:10 PM by CrasherSurge.)
Post: #5
RE: One Piece Arrrbridged
One Piece Arrrbridged Episode 5:

Based on Episode 5 (I think it will be more fair to watch the newest content.), I can honestly say that DaltonOrange and AtomicVoice did well in producing a parody that shows a rather appealing quality. Not only did it feel as if you guys had fun writing the Episode, but it seemed well organized and easy to comprehend, plot-wise.

Now even though I am saying this, I must admit that I did not laugh while watching the episode. However, I did smile here and there, which still means that you are on the right track. You guys are one of the few peeps I can say that you do not require that much advice on scripting. You will just develop that sense as content goes by. All the characters were neat except for Usopp and Luffy. Usopp was not so much of a problem, it's just that little out-burst made me more confused than entertained. As for Luffy, I do not know if it is the Voice Actor or the dialogue, but one of them is making Luffy rather unlikeable and a bit too childish.

Overall, decent episode. I don't think it was all that funny but it definitely felt as if it will over time. Looking forward to future episodes!
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10-14-2014, 01:40 AM
Post: #6
RE: One Piece Arrrbridged
(10-13-2014 11:09 PM)CrasherSurge Wrote:  As for Luffy, I do not know if it is the Voice Actor or the dialogue, but one of them is making Luffy rather unlikeable and a bit too childish.

Well as much as I'd like to say it's Smilefortheghosts fault for his poor voice actressing. Nearly every single person who has given any sort of feedback on the episode has told me that Luffy's character is terribly written and just plain a waste of episode runtime. And honestly I view it in the same way. We wrote Luffy's character in episode 1 which was our first real crack at abridging ever. Not a drop of experience among us and it is horrifyingly bad as a result. So to me Luffy is like the part of episode 1 we just can't seem to shake. So with episode 6 we are saying to hell with continuity. Luffy's character is being rewritten.

That being said. Appreciate the feedback. For sers.

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